My Dad....Finally spoke to me After..almost 2 Year

Last time I had heard from my own father when his father passed away 3 days before I turned 22.... Well I wrote my dad to wish him a happy birthday before the 11th of April.  Next thing I know hours later.... he sent the message back. I was very shocked. Sometimes I really don't know how to feel about my dad since he wasn't all there while I was growing up.  Part of me misses him part of me pissed off with him for not being the father... I just not ever had a father all I was growing up.  I'll never forget the one time I felt protected from him when I was 8 years old. My brother and I woke up one night screaming from the thunderstorm. My brother was crying while I was trembling as we both were pinning ourselves against the wall while i was whimpering a bit calling calmly "Daddy" My brother screams "Daddy" He walks right out my brother runs to him. I watched them 2 go in the room while my brother was whimpering.  I was a bit nervous. My dad walks up to me and I look up at him. I was terrified of the storms back than.  I was calm saying, " I'm scared to go in.... I'll wait til it ends.." My dad walks up to me told me i would be ok. He carries me to the room I was clinging for dear life fearing I would fall.  He lays me down on the mattress before he went to leave I hugged him and didn't let go. In my mind I was like, "Daddy please stay and protect me" He finally got the message and lays down. Wrapped one arm under my head while I cuddled closer.  I really not a cuddle type but that night was different.  I think my dad was humming a bit stroking my long blond hair.  I completely was calm and content for the first time in my life.  I was completely out after a few minutes.  The next morning I wake up and didn't see dad there. But it was a good memory knowing that my dad is really a badguy but..... in ways..... I felted that I don't have a dad.... If he ever.... dies....than.... how would I feel about him passing? I mean he lost his father.... I wonder if hes was too afraid to be attached to my brother or I?? I don't know. I don't have the answers.